“The lesson will always repeat itself, unless you see yourself as the problem–not others.” ― Shannon L. Alder

By Dawn Onley

Let’s be honest: You are the problem.

Although your girlfriends are good at deluding you and making you feel like it’s always someone else’s fault (that ex-boyfriend, your parents, other friends, your boss, etc.), and although I have regrettably been one of those girlfriends, it’s not the truth. Not entirely, anyway.

The real problem is you.

And me.

Us.

It’s a harsh truth, but the truth nonetheless. We have become a nation that likes to blame other people for any and everything that’s wrong in our lives. There’s comfort in blaming others. We get to shirk responsibility for our role in our own failures and outcomes.

Sometimes, we just won’t get out of our own way. Sometimes, we just won’t cleanup our mess. We downplay the choices that we’ve made to land us in the situations that we find ourselves in and we play up everyone else’s wrong doings.

When we do this, we take away our power to control our own destinies. We all possess the key, dangling somewhere on our keychains. We all have the ability to open the door to better choices.

Life happens to all of us. How we respond determines who we are and what we’re made of.

We are the problem, and the solution.

It’s not “the man.” It’s not the system. It’s not our race, our religion, our gender, our sexual orientation, our level of education, or whether we grew up with two active parents or one. Sure, discrimination exists at various levels. Sure, there are real obstacles that stand in the way. But somewhere, someone faces a direr situation than we face, and they are overcoming it. Somewhere, a single mom is putting herself through college. Somewhere, an ex-con is starting a legit business. Somewhere, an abuse victim is summonsing the power to tell her story and a widow is pursuing her dream.

Somewhere, in some 3^rd world country, someone has the audacity to hope.

How are they doing it? Why aren’t we?

Some people overcome hardships. Some people succumb to them.

Some people fulfill their purpose. Some people die with unfilled purpose.

We get to choose.

I have a plaque on my wall that reads: “God helps those who help themselves.” I firmly believe this. How are we helping ourselves?

We have free will. In life, we get to decide whether we will be a victim or a victor.