It’ll Always Be This Way

My Beautiful Emmy (2)

By Dawn Onley

I dabbed tears from my eyes two times yesterday at the thought of my baby girl. It doesn’t happen often. Usually, I’m bubbling over with happiness when I think of her. But sometimes, those thoughts make me sad and they get the best of me.

That was the type of day I had. Thoughts of her made my eyes well.

She came into my life a few days after Christmas in 2012 and stayed with me as my foster daughter, off and on, for about seven months. But then she left for good and when she did, a small piece of me left too.

That’s the price of love. It’ll always be this way.

The whole experience has taught me to expect the waves and that some sadness lingers and never fully heals. Some things are out of our control and don’t go according to plan, leaving us to pick up the pieces. I’ve learned that with my heart, it’s impossible to fit a permanent love into a temporary situation.

I’ve also learned that we can still put the pieces back together in a way that makes the picture beautiful, as my husband and I have done, but that it will never be exactly the same.

The truth is I miss her terribly and I think about her all the time. She’s a handful with my baby boy and I always find myself drained and exhausted on those weekends when she comes to visit, you know the way two toddlers can make a middle aged woman feel.

But the moment she leaves, I start missing her again. In the days that follow, I find myself wondering what she’s doing. As I teach my son new words and read him bedtime stories, I think about books that she would like and wonder what new words she is learning. When I tuck him in the bed and kiss him goodnight, I pray that she is surrounded by love.

As I go to sleep, I vow to hug her a little tighter the next time and to give her more kisses.

I’ll see her this weekend. We’ll try to pack in as much fun and excitement that three days can hold. I can hardly wait!

I’m beyond blessed and thankful to have her in my life.

It’ll always be this way.

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. Meg Nugent Dwyer says:

    Beautifully written, Dawn!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Tracye says:

    It’s hard to read this without crying. God has a greater purpose and plans that we don’t always understand. And even after your experience, you created Women Who Hope, adopted a vivacious little boy, and continue to be a wellspring of love and light. Your journey is worth it for those you inspire. Eyes haven’t seen and ears haven’t heard…. Xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. womenwhohope says:

      Thanks Tracye. I believe things happen for a reason. I trust God and I know that good has come from it, even still.

      Like

  3. Angie says:

    Beautiful!

    Liked by 1 person

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