“Take a moment every day to look at the places, spaces and faces in your life and ask yourself if they are the ones you want there.” – Tim Storey
By Dawn Onley
We get to choose.
Every day we wake up, we have a brand new set of options. We have the ability to decide where we’ll work, where we’ll live, who we’ll love and like, who we’ll spend time with, or even what we’ll have for dinner.
What a blessing that is!
In a good chunk of the world, sadly, people do not get to choose what religion they’ll practice or if their kids can go to school or who they’ll marry or even who they can be friends with. For women, the opportunity to choose in these places is even bleaker.
The consequences for violating these societal norms could range from being shunned to facing incarceration, or even death.
In America, we have so many options that we take for granted. Not only can we choose what we want, but we can choose what we don’t want. This includes, as Tim Storey says, the “places, spaces and faces” in our lives that are not benefitting us.
Sometimes we stay stuck in that dead end relationship, in that miserable job, with those unsupportive “friends,” or in the same area we spent our entire lives, because we fear the unknown. We fear starting over. We don’t trust our judgment. We think the devil we know is better than the devil we don’t. As if the devil is our only option.
The truth is we often lack the courage to change.
This is fine if we don’t want different results. But if we are not satisfied with the “places, spaces and faces” in our lives, we can choose different. We can redirect our lives toward a path that is affirming and uplifting. We can find people who are kindred spirits. We can relocate to an area that feeds our souls. We can choose to not waste our time with things that don’t fulfill our highest calling or nurture our deepest passions.
It’s up to us.
But if we are set on staying stuck, we should do so in silence. What we shouldn’t do is complain to other people – or more importantly, to ourselves — if time after time, we show that we’re not willing to choose better. Because that’s the definition of insanity.
Choose bravely, sisters.
Choose love. Choose light.
vvv
Women Who Hope 
Your thoughts are right on and your way of communicating them is amazing. I love everything about this article but your last paragraph really caught my attention and made me think. I initially liked your strong opinion that “”if we are set on staying stuck, we should do so in silence” followed by the catchy last sentence about “the definition of insanity”. I agree that crying the same cry to others or to ourselves without any attention or intention to do something different to effect change can have a damaging effect on our relationships as well as on our own psyche. However, as a therapist/a change agent I believe that sometimes what appears to be “set on staying stuck” is really an opportunity to be shocked or motivated or guided to get unstuck, an opportunity that only someone of influence who is outside of your valley of despair can use to catapult you forward. And finally, while choosing to stay stuck may make us feel out of balance and may ultimately send us over the rails, there is a thread of difference between irrational thinking and the medical definition of insanity. We owe it to our brothers and sisters who are battling the diseases of mental illness/of insanity to respect that thread by weighing our word choices.
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Thanks for your comment, Aunt Karen. I believe there are always exceptions and nuances to every rule, every position, every fact, every case. This post was written to encourage women who may find themselves stuck, to choose to get unstuck. As I write to encourage women, I also write to remind myself of the same. Also, one of the definitions of insanity is senselessness and extreme foolishness. That’s the definition that applies here, not the medical definition. I’m all in favor of therapy and women getting the help we need, if and when we need it. Seeking help is choosing better and choosing bravely.
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Thanks for your response. I had assumed you were not referring to the medical definition of insanity but I was being sensitive to the possibility that your readership might include people who would need that clarification. In my initial read(before my clinician brain kicked in) I fell in love with that last paragraph because it was so cleverly written. Your written clarification resolves my only concern and I’m back to my initial response of just loving your post.
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